Two to Four Years!?!?

I have to apologize for not posting sooner. As part of the background check, you have to put every address at which you have lived over the last 28 years. It isn't like Brian and I have been particularly stationary, but Brian alone was responsible for over 20 addresses... Took a bit to track everything down, and I didn't want to post while everything was in stasis. However, we finally got our application mailed...

This husband of mine thinks I badger people with my camera... largely because he doesn't know how to use it.

We met with the social worker yesterday, she was smart and kind and on top of things. I love that! She mentioned more about "other special needs" adoptions. These are children that are two years old and older; they also include sibling groups as we have shown interest in adopting older kids. There are so many grants to eliminate any expense when adopting an older child. More importantly, I would love to offer a secure home to somebody who needs one, but we want to experience a "baby" together. As a domestic infant adoption is prohibitive in expense, and an "OSN" child is going to need focused attention when we adopt, we are going to adopt the infant first.

Carey gave us another whole folder to fill out and sign. Some of the papers are just rote completion papers, but there was one survey that really threw us for a loop... This survey asked what would we accept in a child. My first feeling is that we would accept anything. Then you start reading the questions: a child with HIV/AIDS (we think our hearts would break if the child died), a child with a cleft lip and palate (not really an issue, my mother was born with a cleft lip and palate, so the child would have somebody who understood). 

In the past, while considering an older child adoption, we have talked about children who were sick and dying and needed permanent homes. Where I can find comfort in the support I offer on the journey, Brian will not accept giving up to death someone he loves, without it ripping him apart. However, even in theory I never even let myself consider what it would feel like to lose one of the boys we already have... I'm terrified of causing it to happen through thinking about it. Maybe I'm not as okay with it as I think.